Family Mediation FAQs
Questions About Separation, Divorce & Mediation in BC
Every family is different, and there is no one approach to separation that works for everyone. An experienced mediator will provide a process that can be centred around your families needs. These are some of the questions I hear most often from people considering family mediation in Victoria and across British Columbia.
Considering Mediation
What is family mediation and how can it help us?
Family mediation is both an art and a science. The science is found in the structure of the mediation process, the information that informs the decisions and the frameworks that help organize the issues. The art is in the skill, experience and expertise the mediator brings to help separating or divorcing spouses navigate difficult conversations, explore options and make decisions together.
Rather than having someone else make decisions for you, mediation gives you the opportunity to understand your options, discuss what matters to each of you, explore solutions and make informed decisions about your family’s future.
Family mediation can address both parenting and financial issues, including parenting arrangements, child support, property, debt, the family home and spousal support. My role is to help you stay focused on the decisions that need to be made, provide legal information and other relevant information, and help you work through areas where you may be stuck.
I see separation as a project with many moving parts. My job is to help you organize those pieces and keep the process moving toward a comprehensive, separation agreement.
How do I know if mediation is right for us?
Mediation can be a good option when both people are willing to participate in a process aimed at reaching their own agreement, even if they currently disagree about important issues.
You do not need to have everything figured out before you begin, and you do not need to agree on the outcome. What matters is whether both people can participate meaningfully in the process and whether the process can be structured in a way that supports informed and voluntary decision-making.
When both people do agree on most issues, we tend to move through the process faster and the mediation often costs less for these families.
Safety, significant power imbalances, communication difficulties and other circumstances can affect whether mediation is appropriate and how it should be structured. This is one reason I start by determining whether I am a good fit for both people before moving into the mediation process.
Choosing a mediator is about more than availability. Trust, expertise, experience and personality fit can all matter.
Related blog: Why Trust and Mediator Fit Matter in Family Mediation
Can we use mediation if we don't agree?
Yes. You do not need to agree with each other to begin mediation.
In fact, disagreement is often the reason people seek mediation. The purpose of the process is to help you understand the issues from both perspectives, identify what is important to each of you, consider options and work toward decisions you can both live with.
You do, however, need to be willing to participate in the process. My role is not to decide who is right or tell either person what they should agree to. I help keep the discussion productive, provide information and options when appropriate, reality-check proposals and help you move through areas of disagreement.
The goal is not to eliminate every difference of opinion. It is to help you make informed decisions and reach an agreement that works for your family.
Can we mediate if we are already in court?
Yes. Being involved in a court process does not mean that mediation is no longer an option.
Some people turn to mediation after a court application has been started because they would prefer to resolve some or all of their issues themselves rather than have the court decide them.
The appropriate process will depend on your circumstances, including what has already happened in court and what issues remain unresolved. I can help you understand how mediation might fit into the process, but I do not provide legal advice about your court case.
If you have a lawyer, you can also discuss whether mediation is appropriate with them.
How My Process Works
What happens before we start mediation?
I begin by determining whether mediation with me is a good fit for both people. Most clients start by sending me an email or calling to arrange a consultation. I only move forward to the next stage (scheduling our meetings) if both people agree to proceed.
I then meet with each person separately for a private and confidential pre-meeting. This gives each person an opportunity to ask questions, explain their perspective and concerns, understand how the process will work and prepare for the joint mediation.
We also begin identifying the issues that need to be addressed and what financial information may be useful.
This first stage is important for all of us because mediation is a human process. Both people need to feel comfortable with their mediator and confident that the process will provide a safe and structured way to have difficult conversations.
Why do you meet with each person separately before mediation?
The pre-meeting is much more than an administrative step. It is required that all family law mediators have a private one-on-one pre-meeting prior to everyone meeting together in mediation.
I meet privately with each person so I can understand the context and background of the separation, answer questions about the mediation process, identify concerns and make sure both people are prepared to participate in the joint sessions.
It also gives me an opportunity to consider how the process should be structured. Separation can be stressful, and stress can affect how people process information and make decisions. Taking the time to prepare properly can make the joint mediation more productive.
The pre-meeting is also where we begin discussing financial disclosure and what information will actually be relevant to the decisions you need to make.
My goal is for both people to come into the first joint session understanding the process and knowing what to expect.
Do we have to resolve everything in one mediation session?
No. In fact, I have learned that the majority of families do not want the stress of resolving everything in one intensive day without time to carefully consider big decisions.
Some people prefer to move quickly, while most benefit from a few shorter sessions with time between them to process information, consider options and obtain advice from a financial advisor, accountant, lawyer or other professional.
For many families addressing both parenting and financial separation, two or three shorter sessions can provide a better pace than trying to make every major decision in a single day.
The process can be adjusted to the circumstances of your family. The goal is to find a pace that allows you to stay engaged and make thoughtful decisions without creating unnecessary delay or unnecessary overwhelm.
What does a client-centered mediation process actually mean?
To me, a client-centered mediation process means that the process is designed around the people and decisions involved, not around a predetermined formula for how every mediation should happen.
That can mean adjusting the pace of sessions, providing more or less information depending on what you need, focusing financial disclosure on the decisions that actually need to be made, allowing time between sessions and bringing in other professionals when their expertise would be useful.
It also means recognizing that you are the people who will live with the decisions after mediation ends. My role is to provide structure, information, options and support while keeping you involved in the decisions.
I have intentionally developed my process over many years of working with separating families, including a particular focus on making mediation accessible and manageable for self-represented spouses.
Mediation Without Lawyers
Can we use family mediation without lawyers in the room?
Yes. Most of my clients choose to participate in mediation without lawyers present.
Self-represented mediation does not mean ignoring legal considerations. As a mediator, I can provide legal information, explain relevant concepts, identify issues that may need further consideration and help you understand the practical implications of different options. I do not provide legal advice or act as either person’s lawyer.
There are also different ways lawyers can be involved. You may choose to obtain legal advice before mediation, between sessions or before signing an agreement. Lawyers can also participate in mediation where that is appropriate.
My focus is not on keeping lawyers out of the process. It is on creating a process that is proportionate to the family’s circumstances and allows professional support to be used when it is most helpful.
What is different about your process when both spouses are self-represented?
Self-represented mediation is not about doing less, it’s about doing things differently.
When lawyers are not participating in the mediation sessions, the mediator is the only professional in the room. That means the process needs to provide enough structure, education and guidance for both people to participate meaningfully without becoming overwhelmed.
Over the years, I have intentionally adapted my process for self-represented clients. This can include shorter sessions, thoughtful pacing, relevant and streamlined financial disclosure, education about the issues being discussed, reality-checking proposals and time between sessions to reflect or obtain outside advice.
The process is also flexible. If both people want to move quickly, we can adjust the pace. If it becomes clear that legal advice or a lawyer’s participation would be helpful, that can be incorporated into the process.
Related blog: Supporting Self-Represented Spouses in Family Mediation
Can lawyers still be involved if we choose self-represented mediation?
Absolutely.
Choosing to participate in mediation without lawyers in the room does not mean you cannot have a lawyer involved at another point in the process.
Some clients obtain legal advice before mediation. Others consult a lawyer between sessions or have their proposed agreement reviewed before signing. In some circumstances, lawyers may join the mediation itself.
I think of professional support as something that can be used strategically rather than as an all-or-nothing decision. The right approach depends on the circumstances, complexity and needs of the people involved.
If circumstances change during mediation and it becomes clear that lawyers would be helpful, a mediation with counsel can be layered into the process.
How do I know whether I need legal advice during mediation?
Self-determination is a hallmark of mediation and you ultimately get to choose whether or not you want to get legal advice from a family law lawyer.
In my experience, it often becomes clear if the parties involved should consult with a lawyer (no mediator can provide legal advice).
I can, however, provide legal information and help identify issues that may warrant further consideration. I can also explain the practical implications of different options and let you know when I think it may be useful to obtain advice from another professional.
Some clients choose to obtain independent legal advice before signing their final agreement. Others choose to speak with a lawyer at an earlier stage or when they reach a particularly complex issue. Many clients choose not to consult with a lawyer at all.
The important thing is that you understand the distinction between legal information and legal advice and have the opportunity to obtain independent advice if you want it.
Working Through the Issues
What issues can we work through in family mediation?
Family mediation can help separating spouses work through the many decisions involved in becoming financially and physically separate.
Depending on your circumstances, this can include parenting arrangements, parenting schedules, decision-making for children, child support, special expenses, the family home, other property, debts, investments, pensions, RRSPs, business interests and spousal support.
Not every family needs to address every issue, and not every issue requires the same amount of information or professional input.
My role is to help you identify what actually needs to be decided, organize the information you need, explore options and work toward a comprehensive agreement rather than resolving one issue in isolation and discovering later that it creates a problem somewhere else.
Related blogs: Is Your Separation Complicated? and Separated? Consider the Butterfly Effect
How do we know what financial information we actually need for mediation?
Financial disclosure is an important part of making informed decisions, but I don’t believe it should automatically mean collecting every possible document before mediation can begin. I provide my clients with a streamlined checklist of documents needed for disclosure after our pre-meeting.
I have a strong financial background and approach financial disclosure by first understanding the decisions that need to be made and then determining what information will help both people make those decisions. It is best when families understand and agree to the dates and process together for relevant disclosure in mediation without lawyers present.
Depending on your circumstances, this may involve information about the family home, other property, debts, investments, pensions, RRSPs, businesses, income or other financial interests.
Sometimes an appraisal or valuation will be useful; sometimes it may not be necessary. In many cases, the people making the decisions should have a say in what information or valuation is needed.
The goal is to have enough reliable information to make informed decisions without creating unnecessary cost, delay or overwhelm.
How do we make decisions about parenting after separation?
Parenting decisions are about more than creating a schedule. They are about figuring out how your family will function after separation and how you will continue to make decisions for your children.
In mediation, we can work through issues such as parenting time, schedules, holidays, decision-making, communication and changing needs as children grow.
I use a child-focused approach and can provide child development information and resources where helpful. I also encourage parents to think beyond what works today and consider how their parenting arrangements may work as their children grow and circumstances change.
The goal is not to create a perfect parenting plan that can never change. It is to help parents develop arrangements that are workable for their children and provide a foundation for making future decisions together.
Related blog: What Makes a Good Parenting Plan after Separation?
What happens once we have reached agreement?
Reaching agreement is an important milestone, but it is not necessarily the end of the process.
I draft an agreement that we review together so that everyone understands what has been agreed to and so that we can discuss how you want to make your agreement binding, as well as whether or not you want to get independent legal advice before you sign anything.
My goal is to make sure that the final stage is handled thoughtfully and for self-represented clients to know that there are options that involve using lawyers and options for those that do not want to use lawyers.
A clear and comprehensive separation agreement should give you a practical roadmap for moving forward.
Related blog: Do You Have to Be a Lawyer to Draft a Separation Agreement?
Practical Questions
How much does family mediation cost in BC?
You will learn that working with me is one of the more affordable options available, while also benefiting from the experience I have gained through more than 1,300 mediations.
One of the reasons I focus on self-represented mediation is that it can reduce the number or time of professionals involved, which can lower the overall cost for my clients. I have also streamlined a process for my clients to get a legally binding separation agreement at no additional cost. Clients also have the option to pay a family law lawyer for independent legal advice or legal drafting.
My goal is to provide a process that is proportionate to the decisions you need to make and thorough enough to support informed decisions without adding unnecessary cost or complexity.
My entire process is designed to be cost-effective. Because every family’s circumstances are different, I am happy to discuss your situation and provide an estimate of the cost of your mediation. Please reach out to me to discuss pricing.
Can we do family mediation online if we don't live in Victoria or would rather do it from home?
Yes. I provide family mediation online throughout British Columbia, as well as, in person or online for my Victoria clients.
The same mediation process applies whether we meet online or in person. Online mediation can be particularly helpful when spouses live in different communities, when travel is difficult or when you prefer to participate from home.
Online mediation also makes it possible for families in communities across BC to access a mediator without needing to travel to Victoria.
If you are unsure whether online mediation would work for your circumstances, we can discuss that during the initial consultation.
