When parents separate, creating a parenting plan is an important part of building a new family structure. Parents want clarity about where their children will be, how holidays will be shared, how decisions will be made and how unexpected situations will be handled.
But what makes a good parenting plan?
It isn’t necessarily the longest or most detailed agreement. In fact, no parenting plan can anticipate every situation a family will encounter over the years.
Children grow, and their interests can change or intensify. They join sports teams, travel with their school band, get jobs and eventually become more independent. Life happens.
A parenting schedule that works well for a six-year-old will likely look very different when that child is 16.
After Divorce You Can’t Plan for Everything
Imagine that parents have agreed that their teenager will spend a particular weekend with one parent. Several months later, the child is invited to participate in a sports tournament out of town that takes place that same weekend. Or perhaps the teenager gets their first part-time job and is scheduled to work during that same time.
The parenting plan may not have anticipated either situation. The question then becomes, what happens next?
As a family mediator in Victoria, BC, who has conducted over 1,300 mediations as of 2025, I regularly see parents prioritize long-term decision-making strategies. Rather than spending valuable time and money attempting to predict every possible future scenario, they prefer establishing how they will continue making joint choices after signing their separation agreement or parenting plan.
Even parents who experience heightened conflict often prefer this approach. They recognize that unexpected events and opportunities will arise, and they want to feel prepared to manage them together. In some higher conflict families, it can be better to be more detailed or prescribed in their parenting plans.
What Makes a Parenting Plan Child-Centred?
One of the most important factors in how children experience their parents’ separation is how well their parents are able to continue making decisions together after the separation.
A parenting plan can say that a child will spend every second weekend with one parent. But what happens when that child is invited to a family reunion that falls on the other parent’s weekend? Or when an opportunity to travel to Mexico comes up, but the flight dates don’t line up with the exact dates set out in the agreement? The question isn’t necessarily whether the parenting plan was wrong. It is that life doesn’t always fit neatly into a parenting schedule.
Goal of a Parenting Plan after Separation
A child-centred parenting plan asks parents to look at the situation from their child’s perspective. Is this an important opportunity for the child? How can both parents support it? What would be a reasonable adjustment? And if parenting time needs to change, how can that be handled fairly?
The goal isn’t for parents to agree to everything. It is to help them develop a way of making decisions when something important arises that wasn’t and couldn’t have been anticipated when their parenting plan was created.
The Right Balance of Structure and Flexibility after Divorce
Children benefit from predictability. A parenting plan should give them a clear sense of where they will be and what they can expect, while also recognizing that their needs and circumstances will change.
This balance becomes particularly important as children get older. A child who once needed a carefully structured schedule will eventually have other commitments that don’t fit neatly into the parenting schedule created years earlier.
A good parenting plan provides a framework for today’s circumstances without trying to control every circumstance that may arise in the future. It gives parents enough structure to create stability, while allowing them to adapt when their children’s needs and lives change.
A Parenting Plan Is More Than a Separation Schedule
Creating a parenting plan is about more than deciding where children will be on particular days. Parents also need to consider how they will make decisions about their children and communicate with each other as circumstances evolve.
This is where the process of family mediation can be particularly valuable. Parents have an opportunity to practise having difficult conversations, understand each other’s concerns, consider different options and work toward solutions that reflect their children’s needs.
Parents can also talk about how they will approach future requests for changes to the schedule. The result is a parenting plan that reflects the family’s circumstances today, along with a better understanding of how the parents can work together if those circumstances change.
The Agreement Is Only Part of the Solution
A separation agreement or parenting plan can provide important clarity and stability, but it cannot do the work of co-parenting for the parents.
Over time, children will present their parents with new decisions and new challenges. Sometimes those decisions will be easy. Sometimes they will bring the parents’ different perspectives or priorities into conflict.
The hope is that parents leave mediation with more than a signed agreement. They leave with a better understanding of how to communicate, how to approach disagreements and how to make decisions with their children at the centre.
This is one of the benefits of my client-centred and child-focused mediation process. The focus is not simply on reaching agreement about today’s circumstances, but on helping parents establish a foundation for making future decisions.
Next Steps
If you’re exploring family mediation in Victoria or across BC and would like to learn more about my process, feel free to Contact Me. I’d love to answer any questions you may have.
If you’re curious to learn more about what mediation feels like with me, you can visit my Client Review page. Client reviews offer a glimpse into what individuals and families have experienced and may help you assess whether my approach aligns with the support you are seeking
